Cowboys & Poets
Some might say my dad was a hard man. He came up the hard way during a time when being hard and tough was the way. With a high school education and a few skills, he forged a life through hardships and challenges I can’t fathom.
I can’t imagine the personal struggles he must have faced and wrestled with while raising me and my sister in the 70s and 80s through sheer grit and determination.
I know this is true because now that I have my own family I face those same challenges and can look back with admiration and respect at what it must have been like for him.
A military man from the Marine Corps. He used to wake me up at 6 am on the weekends shouting about chores and work and self-discipline. All the things a teenage boy does not want to hear on a Saturday or Sunday morning before daylight!
I hated it.
But I look back now and I have grown to truly appreciate the discipline that those hardships instilled in my personality, my worldview, and my work ethic.
What I used to hate I now cherish. Funny that. Irony. It’s how life is sometimes, if not most of the time. At least for me.
I am sure you can relate.
He was tough. He was big and masculine and loved a good fight.
I was not like that. I was not hard. I saw things differently.
We struggled for years to understand each other. We never could. There was always an uneasy tension. We butted heads and agitated each other because we saw the world so differently.
The last time I visited the USA was back in 2013. I was a bit older. The anger and frustration had subsided and those ill feelings we had harbored for years were no longer important.
I spent a lot of time with my dad then and we made peace with each other. We both could feel it. We found a way. A path to understanding.
Even more importantly, I think we made peace with ourselves. Whatever anger, frustration, or regret we held was released and replaced with understanding, compassion and love.
After that trip I wrote the following poem.
In a flash of understanding and clarity it all made sense and these words flowed out.
COWBOYS & POETS
For dad….
I know this guy
Larger than Life.
A Cowboy
I might imagine
With arms bigger
than most guys
legs to back it.
He could eat
Big Steaks Rare,
Drink gallons of Sweet tea
And one time we caught
fifteen trout each inside an hour.
He raised me up.
A poet some might imagine.
Calm and Gentle.
Not even a fighter at all.
We wrestled
and grappled for years
because we didn’t understand.
Cowboys and Poets
are blown in from
different directions.
Born of one another
we need the other
like the moon
needs the wind
to carry the voice
of the howling coyote across the plain
to remind the hills
That they are not alone.
Now I’m perfectly here in this moment
I finally know our job,
To live.
To learn.
To remember.
Because sometimes we forget about Cowboys & Poets.
— — —
Years later I read it to him. Framed it and gave it to him as a gift.
I knew I was on to something when I brought a big man to his knees with words.
We both cried.
During that trip, we discovered a part of ourselves in each other.
I was the gentle, understanding, smart, and educated man some part of him had always wanted to be. He was the hard-ass tough guy that could kick ass and take names that I would never be but admired.
I can share this because I know you will recognize a part of yourself or someone you love in this too.
I hope by sharing my story you will also find the strength, courage, and wherewithal to reconcile yourself with someone that you need to especially, yourself.
I hope you can find a path to Peace, Clarity, and Understanding.
Reconciliation is perhaps one of the toughest things you will ever do.
However, it is the task that lies before you.
The last time we spoke I know beyond a doubt that he was proud of me and what I had become. He was so incredibly proud of his granddaughter and my wife.
I made sure he knew how much I admired and respected him. I made certain he knew he was loved.
He has left us now and is on the next phase of the Universal Voyage we all must make.
I am proud of you dad. I can never say thank you enough for all the gifts you have given me.
Now I know that it takes a Cowboy to make a Poet and the Poetic life of a Cowboy will forever be etched in our hearts.
